Any Day Is A Good Day For Some
Butt-Kicking
by Wilma Bledsoe
Brrrrrmmmmm . . .
Igor is having the time of his life. Highway 69 is congested as ever, but Igor doesn’t mind. Swiftly moving his torso from left to the right, he passes one car after another without exerting too much effort.
Today Igor is wearing his brand-new, black leather jacket with “Harley Davidson” imprinted across his entire back. His leather pants and spiked boots match his jacket all too well. To protect his neatly styled crew cut from the breeze he's creating while driving slightly past the speed limit of 55, Igor has his head covered with a blue bandanna, twisted into a pirate-style look. And just like on many other days, he's also wearing his shit-ass grin, stretching from ear-to-ear.
FXS, WATCH OUT, because here comes Igor the Terrible!
No one better think of calling in sick today or I will kick his ass to the moon. This bull-shit crap about ‘oh my alarm clock didn’t go off,’ or ‘may car just won’t start,’ won’t save anyone from my fury today either, Igor tells himself.
Must turn the thermostat to 70.5 degrees, so Heidi won’t come whining about being so cold again. Anything to please the spoiled brat from purchasing! he decides further.
"Godd. . . . .! Who stole my newspaper and what’s with this mess all over my desk? These low-lifers, how many times do I have to tell them not to touch my stuff?” the spoiled brat from purchasing hears him holler.
“BRRRING.”
Ah! Already the first call of the day. How sweet! Who could it be this time? Could it be Ralph, a.k.a. Sly Fellow? Igor was getting ready for his first thrill.
“Hey Igor, I’m sorry I can’t make it in, again, today. I still feel awfully sick.” Ralph, a.k.a., Sly Fellow, mourned.
“What? You’re sick again?" Igor hollered. Didn’t know you were sick in the first place. What’s with this shit of you leaving early yesterday and not telling anyone? The customer called and told me you'd just took off and left." Igor proclaimes.
“I didn't feel well so I called the office but you weren't there so I had to leave a message. Didn’t you get it?”
“Bull shit! I wouldn’t be asking if you’d left a message. Do you know how stupid you made me look?”
“Well, you'll always look the way you feel!”
"What? You'd better watch it or I’ll have your sorry ass fired. You better be here early tomorrow!”
“I will, if I feel better. Bye.” Ralph, the Sly Fellow, replies before hanging up on Igor.
This dip-shit! Who does he think he’s talking to? The attitude this fellow has. I can’t understand why Slick doesn’t let me fire that screwball. He’s nothing but trouble.
“Can I still schedule twenty guys to work from Christmas Eve till’ New Years Day?” Igor’s favorite coworker was asking him one of his favorite of question.
“Sure! Why not?” As long as you don’t mind who’s doing the job. I’ll quickly call our local probation officer and see how many people he can round up for us.”
“Well, I suppose I can check with the customer and see if he can wait one more week.” his favorite coworker quickly replied.“ If that’s what you really want to do.” Igor replies lowly.”
Igor knew exactly how to handle does sons-and-daughters-of-some-mothers sales people, possibly better than his everyday work crew. The day was coming along just fine for him.